I’ve started writing daily in a journal. It’s rewarding, but I’ll never post any of it here. None of you deserve to read it. First of all, it makes no sense. Anything and everything I’m thinking and observing at that very moment are recorded by hand, sometimes in illegible symbols (thoughts are faster than hands). Also, some of the content is personal, too personal to use real names and places. And the fucking journal has no lines so my writing is all slanted and shit. And for some reason I only have blue pens. Who the fuck only has blue pens? I do, that’s who, and I’m sick and tired of only seeing blue ink on my pages. I need a pen with black ink that doesn’t go dry mid-word then decide to work again when I scribble it on the top right corner of the page. Then I go back to finish the word and, of course, the pen doesn’t work again. By this time, the word is fucked and the paper is scratched. That’s when I give up and start using blue ink again. Moral of the story: buy an iPad.
lately i’ve been thinking about how we limit our own freedom. well, by we, i mean me, but i guess we can spread my observations out over every individual who reads this. i know it’s a topic that has been written about extensively, but please don’t shut me up quite yet.
let me start by addressing cleanliness. i’m not talking about hygiene, i’m talking about upkeep of your bedroom/apartment/house whatever may apply. i tend to keep my room in a state of organization. this means i spend extra time folding clothes and putting them away in my closet, i put trash in the trash, dirty clothes in the hamper, and put my books back where i picked them up from. i also tend to make my bed. putting in this extra effort may not contribute to my overall health or life experience, but am i limiting my freedom by doing this? am i limiting my freedom by praying slowly, cleaning my room, reading slower so i understand each word, and making my bed every morning?
that’s one aspect of freedom i wanted to address. the other: how much should i limit my freedom? we chase these illusions via the internet which makes us chase illusions in our heads. there is way too much information and way too many avenues to quell boredom that it has my mind fucked. this is where we limit our freedom. i need to learn how.
however, in the mean time i’ll just sit back and think about how angry you must be at the lack of capitalization.